Fingers crossed....so far so good!

What I need...ASAP!

Ok, living at home, honestly, hasn't been so bad. However, I think now is the time to MOVE OUT! It's hard being back home, especially since I moved out when I was 15. I like to think I have done really well and been very patient. I am just at the end of my patience and without getting aggravated I would like to be on my way, have my own space and do things the way I like.

I don't even remember my things...I miss my stuff, my dishes and decorations. I packed my life in 1.5 weeks and threw things in boxes thinking I would get them out soon. Well that was before I traveled for 6 months and so not only did I travel, but I have been home for over a year! I wanna open my boxes and see old pictures that I had framed, look through my books and movies and see what I dumped out of my drawers.

I just miss having my life and although I love my parents to death and I do enjoy being with them, I feel as though I have taken on even more responsibility by living here. I have more to deal with and I just don't know if I can handle it. I just need some space and time for me....

I'm ready for a vacation; some place far from here and not a worry in my mind...

I can't believe that it's been 3 months since Hamid has passed. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about him. Some days I'm ok with it all and I think about how blessed we all are to have had him here for this time. Other days, days like today, I can't seem to keep the tears from rolling down my face.

You will be forever missed!

Maybe it's me

Maybe it's me. Maybe I do the same thing and it has nothing to do with the other person. I feel like I get to this point of almost caring and then I stop. I freak out and instead of talking about it or admitting to it I just close up and would rather walk away. Is that normal?

I literally have a panic attack once I get here. As time goes on I can't help but think, maybe it's me. Maybe I'm the one that can't commit or put myself out there to get hurt. I don't even understand why this happens, I don't think about it, I certainly don't want it, but never the less I always get struck with this anxiety.

Priceless

I have to say being an aunt is not what I thought it would be, it's 100 times better. My little niece is the cutest little baby and the joy she brings me is priceless. I got a last minute call from my brother asking if I could watch her yesterday and, of course, I can't say no. She is so happy and smiling all the time even when she's sick.

As I was putting her down for her afternoon nap, she was crying so I rocked her for a bit and after a few minutes she hugged her arms around me and passed out on my shoulder. Honestly I didn't want to put her down, even after 15 minutes and with my arms beginning to hurt, I just could bring myself to let go...it felt so good to have my little niece sleeping in my arms!

Who knew that I would be so in love with this little angle, every time she leaves I look forward to the next time I can see her again...maybe I'm borderline obsessed ;)

1391 here we come!

Well it is officially the New Year for Iranians. It turned new year at 1:15am, the exact moment it turns spring. Our beautiful new year is based not on religion, but on nature. Every part and ritual is symbolic representing life, birth, health, family and prosperity. We set a special table called the Haft Seen, meaning 7 S's. There are 7 things on the table all starting with S in Farsi. Garlic represents health and medicine, the coins represent prosperity, the grass represents growth, the eggs represent life as well as the fish and the list goes on. Most people put more than 7 items but the true meaning is 7 S's.

People decorate the tables to their own taste and we all gather around it to count down to the new year! There are little traditions such as setting the table with your loved one and wishing good thoughts as you set it. The night of the new year we eat a traditional Persian cuisine. Also all those that are young receive gifts and money from their elders. We celebrate for 13 days and on the last day we all gather and go to the park to enjoy mother nature. It is about spring and everything blossoming, it is one of the few holidays that has nothing to do with religion but everything to do with life and loving the earth and all it provides.

It is one of my favorite times of the year, always making me happy and appreciating my culture! I wish everyone a wonderful and healthy new year!