What I've Learned

I have delayed this post for so long and I think it’s because there is so much to say and I am not sure that I want to say some it. It is so hard to start explaining all that I have learned and how I have changed, but I will do my best.

There was one day my cousin Sara and I were driving in Ireland and I remember looking outside at the beautiful scenery and thinking to myself how happy and relaxed I am. I mentioned this to Sara and our discussion began.

I may not always feel stressed or think that I have things on my mind weighing me down, but I guess do. I can’t ever remember being completely relaxed in my life, don’t get me wrong I am sure I was when I was a kid but never from what I remember.

This is what I learned: I realized that at a very young and innocent age something traumatic happened to me and no one taught me how to deal with it, so I did what any 14 year old would do, I held everything in. It is no ones fault that this happened but it is the way things worked out. I was scared to show weakness, I wanted to be strong for my family and I had so many emotions and feelings to know what to do. Holding it in was the easiest and it was what I did. Sure over the course of the following years my emotions came out in other ways, but I never learned how to deal with stress. To this day or the day in the car I should say, I didn’t even realize this. I didn’t know what it meant to be carefree and relaxed.

I know that I hold things in...everyone around me knows. When Gloria has a problem no one hears from her for a few days or weeks until the problem is resolved or I just get over it. I just never realized why I do this or where I learned it. It took me being thousands of miles away, driving in a foreign country with no phone, no Internet and no connection to my life to realize why and to try to begin to change.

Now that is the tricky part, changing. We may all realize our bad qualities but few people try to challenge themselves to fix it. Most people say this is the way I am, I don’t believe that. I may be a certain way, but I believe people can better themselves at any given time in their life.

I don’t think I would have ever gotten to this conclusion if I didn’t take this trip, this is for many reasons. Before I state them, I don’t want anyone (my wonderful friends/family) to feel bad or think into this. I love helping people in anyway that I can and I mostly do so just by listening or giving advise, so I have created a role for myself. In my family I am the glue, I am the first to know all the good or bad news and the first to get everyone’s feelings. I am the one they vent to, the one they cry to, the one they laugh with or the one to try and help. I have the same role with many friends, don’t get me wrong I love it. I love the fact that I can help and it never bothers me, but it has never given me time to just relax. To give you an example, I arrived home on 1-25-11 and on 1-27-11 my neighbor wanted me to talk with her daughter and my father’s friend needs help or advise I should say. And because I care, sometimes I make their problems my own. So how would I ever realize in my daily life that I am never really stress free.

I think this was the first time in years that I had nothing on my mind, not a worry about life, who has what problem or what I need to do. This was the first time that all I had to do was have fun and enjoy my life. It was an amazing feeling!

When I was a kid my doctor would tell me to not take things so hard, he could see that I think way to much! On this trip I went to get acupuncture for my migraines and the guy told me over and over, “You need to relax and let go of your stress”. The funny thing is that 99% of the time I am happy! I never feel stressed and I kept telling the guy that I feel happy and fine. However, on this trip it was the first time that I experienced being truly carefree...now I get it, I feel it and see it.

The acupuncturist asked me “when is the last time you took in a deep breath of air and thought about the air flowing through your body?” My answer was I that I don’t even realize I am breathing; what a shame. I now stop at least 4 or 5 times a day, close my eyes and take in a deep breath of air. I think about it flowing through my body and nourishing me.

I know this was a long explanation but probably the greatest thing that I learned, not only about my life now, but about my past. I think the fact that I am talking about it shows a lot because normally this would never be something that I would put out in the open; it is a sensitive part of my life and a vulnerable part of me. If I didn’t write this then it would be defeating the point of all of this.

I learned that I don’t want more. Not to say I don’t strive to be more or work towards a goal, but I don’t want more things. As I mentioned in an earlier blog I want to simplify. The more we have the more headaches we have, the less we use what we have because we have to much and the more we lose ourselves. When you have to much you can’t focus on the important things in life especially the relationships around you. So I want less.

I have learned that I don’t have anything in common with so many people I hang out with. It has become a social event to go places, be seen, mingle and have conversations that I don’t even care about. There are few people that I really want to spend time with and that I really even connect with.

I learned that as much as I like being alone at times, I hate traveling alone. I always said before that I never minded living alone because it gives me time and I thought this would hold true with traveling. I was very wrong. I love sharing good times with people and having someone to talk with and sight see with. Being alone in a foreign place sucked.

I learned that I know so little. Once I left Georgia and began meeting people there was so much to learn from every person. People are so knowledgeable and willing to share that knowledge. I realized very quickly that I have a lot of room to learn.

My 1st's

Now I had to make a list of all the things I did on this trip for the 1st time. Obviously the countries I went to and things that I saw were all a first but these are things that I have never done before and could do anywhere. I was unsure of how many things there would be but I am surprised at how long the list is...I am sure there may be a few I forgot, but I really tried to think of everything.

So here it goes:

Milked a cow...a very big cow!

Touched a snake

Ate Sardines

Drove on the opposite side of the road

Took a bath in a natural spring outside

Had an Irish Coffee

Went Sailing

Stayed in a Hostel

Walked through a hedge maze..this took a while

Saw a double rainbow...this was amazing!

Ate Indian Food

Tried a Guinness and a baby Guinness

Feed a baby cow

Stayed on an Ivy League campus

Attended a German Fraternity formal...good times

Ate Vegemite

Ate a traditional German breakfast

Caught my first wave...super fun!

Had a Thai massage

Had acupuncture

Traveled alone...not what I expected but a learning experience.

I think I am pretty happy with this list...maybe I will think of a few more later and will add them on.

Home at last!

This post is long over due. Being back has been an experience in itself. I wasn’t sure how I would feel or what I would feel coming home, I just knew I was happy to see my family. Even as I was saying bye to my aunt and cousins in Sydney I still didn’t believe that my trip was over and I was heading home, I just felt that I was going to another destination. It was when I landed in LA that I knew I was in the good old USA! First off, I have to say; that of all the countries I have been to America is still one of the best when it comes to customer service. It was like I forgot how nice people are. The minute I landed people started saying hello again as I passed them and everyone was talking and for the most part they were happy. Even though I was back and sad that my trip was over, it put a smile on my face to be home.

My flight from Sydney was amazing, I love the man that checked me in…God bless him. He didn’t charge me for my extra weight in one of my bags and he gave me the entire middle row! I had 3 huge seats to myself and let me tell you being short came in handy! I was laying down and still had room to stretch! Of course I couldn’t sleep for whatever reason but I did travel 7645 miles very comfortably. Once I landed in Atlanta I began to remember everything. I walked through the airport that I have walked through hundreds of times but this time it was different, I am different.

I started getting excited to see my dad standing there waiting and I could feel his energy and excitement. Once I was reaching the top of the escalader I immediately spotted my dad and we were both smiling ear to ear. When we got home my mom, brother and Nina were all waiting and it was wonderful to see and hug them all.

It is so hard to explain the way I feel. I feel like I’m on the outside looking in. Like I have been here before and know everything, but at the same time it is all so foreign. One of my greatest fears was that I would go on this trip and come back and feel like I never left. As I walked around my parent’s house later in the night I realized I can never feel this way, because I have truly changed.

For those of you who know me know that I love giving gifts and I couldn’t wait to give my mom all her things!!! I had so much and it had been so long, I dragged her in my room dumped out my suitcase and started picking through things. We talked and caught up and I gave her all her gifts. She loved them all and even though it was 2am I just had to do it then.

Since the day I arrived my time has been filled unpacking, talking to friends, spending time with family and really just trying to feel at home again. I still don’t feel like this is all real. I feel like I am still gone or in a daze. I don’t really feel like doing so much and going out so I have been at home a lot. I have actually decided to un-clutter my life a bit. Being away and only having one bag made me realize how much I don’t need, so I have spent lots of time getting rid of everything. I have piles of clothes, shoes, accessories, etc that I am giving away. I want to simplify and keep only what I need. The rest of my time I have been looking for work.

In some ways I want to travel again in the near future and in other ways I feel like maybe moving would be better. Either way I have decided to go with the flow. Whatever comes my way, if I get a job somewhere else then I will move but if I find something better here, then Atlanta is where I will stay.

I have compiled a list of things that I learned and my firsts from my trip and I will be posting that soon as well.

The End has Come

Today I leave Sydney for my last flight home. When I think about my trip I do feel like I have been gone for a while, yet at the same time it has flown by. I just can’t believe that I am going home. I can’t believe that my trip is over, all that planning and saving. I never thought about after my trip, about how I will feel or what I will do. I have actually mentioned it before that I just figured things would fall into place once I returned.

I am so excited to see my family and hug them all. I am excited to see friends and all the small things, but I have to say that if I had another month or two I would take it. I am finally relaxed, I don’t feel like I am in a rush, like I have a million things to do or need to always be somewhere. I feel very calm, very sure and I don’t know if that comes from a 5 month trip or from seeing and experiencing different things on this trip.

It will be interesting to get home and see how I feel. To see how I like it there and what I decide to do. Either way as much as I could vacation for another month I am excited for whatever the future holds, especially this next year ;)

Can one Weekend be any Better?

My weekend has been great, not that I would expect anything less with my amazing hosts. I have to say my month in Sydney has been wonderful and mainly due to the fact that my aunt and cousins have done a great job showing me around and keeping me busy. I have had great food, spent days at all the beaches and drank lots of yummy wine.

On Friday my cousins and I decided to make it a girls night, we started at the Ivy, which is a hip area in the city, it is basically a multi level lounge/club. There is a rooftop pool, cabanas and delicious drinks. After a drink there we headed to The Rocks Markets, which is an outdoor markets they set up close to the Harbour Bridge. We chowed down on some Italian food and then walked the markets. Our night was topped off with drinks over looking the city. I think we got the best seats in the house and a full moon lighting up the entire city. What a view; looking over the Harbour Bridge and the Opera House with the moon lighting everything up! I know seeing this is something that will stay with me forever.

Yesterday Samira, Frank, Jonah and I went to the wildlife center, after all I had to see some Kangaroos and Koalas before I go home. Our morning was spent there seeing all the insects, animals and reptiles of Australia. We grabbed a delicious lunch by the water and headed home. In the evening it was time for me and Sara to have our big night out! We had some drinks and headed out to see Roger Sanchez! It was a good night ;) You know you had fun when you go out in heals and come home in flip flops!

Today I had to face the truth and start packing. Yes I am finally coming home and boy do I have a load to pack. I shipped my summer clothes here and was thinking to take them back with me, but between that and the shopping I have done here I don’t know if I can get through the airport with all my luggage! Anyway, with my aunt’s help we managed to pack 2 suitcases and I am praying they are the correct weight.

In the evening, Samira and Frank invited us over for my final dinner at their house. If you knew what great cooks they are you would have been as excited as I was. They have truly treated me while I have been here, I have had some amazing food and tonight topped it off! I think we had about a 7 or 8 course meal...I lost track after number 4. It was a seafood extravaganza. We had grilled scallops, grilled Haloomi Cheese, raw oysters, grilled prawns, corn, salad and just in case that was not enough, we had lobster topped with yumminess. It was amazing...oh wait we also had dessert, which I dont’ remember what it was, by that point I was in a food coma!

It was a great night and Frank and Samira out did themselves. I told them now I will definitely come back :) Tomorrow is my last day, I am sure there are last minute things to get done. In the evening we are all getting together for one more feast here at my aunt’s house and then I will be leaving the following morning!

Family

My cousin asked me today what the highlight of Sydney was. My response started with a few tourist things and then the more I thought about it the I realize, the highlight of Sydney has been being with my family. This trip has been amazing and one of the main reasons is because I have spent quality time with family members that I never thought I would. I never imagined the opportunity to be with my uncle in Iran for one month, just as I never thought I would be with my aunt in Iran for two weeks, just the 2 of us.

Now here I am in Sydney with my other Aunt and cousins and I just can’t help but be so happy that this time has come for me to be with them.

This is the time that I have spent with every member one on one and really enjoyed them. Tonight my aunt and I sat down after dinner and made CD’s, we laughed, sang and looked at old photos. We ended up filling each other glasses until we were laughing in our seats wondering where the time went. All I can think is this is a blessing, tonight will never happen again and I am so happy we had this. Just as I am so happy to have had these times with family throughout my trip. I keep quoting my uncle and remembering him here, we laughed so much together and I just can’t ask for anything more.

I took this trip to be me, to relax and enjoy life, to learn what I like and don’t. I have now walked out a better person for having this time with the people I love. I never realized the value of this...not until now. Now I am beyond thankful for all the time and joy I have had with my family. These moments are irreplaceable. This was a once in a lifetime trip. I see what my parents were saying now, I see why they pushed me to be with my family. I see so much of my life in the people I love and this has been amazing.

A Celebration of Life

This week my family and I lost an amazing family member. Words can’t describe our shock and grief. I haven’t written much but a few notes to my family, especially to my cousins:

Consistently throughout my life my father has told me “the beauty of life is that it changes, nothing good or bad ever lasts.”

It has mainly been in the tough times that he has told me this, the times when I see no end, when I want to give up or I just don’t know why. Now I repeat it again but not only for me but for those I love, nothing bad ever lasts and times will change, I promise.

There is no way to know why some things happen and why they happen a certain way but we have to have faith that this was the way it was supposed to be. Right now you see no end to the pain but over time you will see brighter days and you will smile again.

Never are you alone, we are all here and we all love you. Hard times only make us stronger and appreciate the goods time more, and although we all know this, you never know what you have until it’s gone; now is the time to be thankful.

To my amazing cousins and family, I love you. You are stronger than you know and you will survive this. Not only will you survive but you will come out stronger than ever. From across the world we are constantly thinking of you all, sharing wonderful and funny memories and we are celebrating Amoo Ardeshir’s life!