To Close to Give Up

I haven't written in so long and to be honest I have no clue why.  There were days when I sat down to write and I ended up staring at the computer screen.  I guess sometimes there is so much to say that I don't say anything at all.

Life has been busy to say the least, but I feel good about all that is going on.  I feel as though things will change soon and I can slowly see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I have a quote that comes to mind every time I get down or discouraged because I see it to be true, basically it states that the greatest failure is the give up only to be so close.  Every time I am close to throwing my hands up I remember that quote and I think...I have come to far and failure is not an option.  Funny, Hamid used to tell my dad, "failure is not an option for us".

I just really need for something to happen. I need to be encouraged again. I need a spark.

I'm tiered....

When?

Every so often everything catches up to me and I can't help but go into thought.  I think constantly about my business, if it will ever become something more than an idea.  I dream about all it can become and know that it has what it takes, but just needs the right push.  I know that I have come such a long way and it's only been a year, but it is very difficult to stay motivated when all you do is work and see little in outcomes.

I think about love and why at the age of 30 I still haven't found the person I want to spend my life with. I wonder if I ever will.  I look forward to the day that I find someone I can go for a run with and talk to about any and everything.  For a long time, as much as I said I was ready, I am not quite sure I was.  I have to admit, I have had a great time being single, doing what I like, traveling, working as much as I want and not having to worry about what I am doing.  However, I am slowly beginning to want more. I see my niece and she makes me want more, she makes me want a family. I just can't help but wonder...will I ever find it?

Fingers crossed....so far so good!

What I need...ASAP!

Ok, living at home, honestly, hasn't been so bad. However, I think now is the time to MOVE OUT! It's hard being back home, especially since I moved out when I was 15. I like to think I have done really well and been very patient. I am just at the end of my patience and without getting aggravated I would like to be on my way, have my own space and do things the way I like.

I don't even remember my things...I miss my stuff, my dishes and decorations. I packed my life in 1.5 weeks and threw things in boxes thinking I would get them out soon. Well that was before I traveled for 6 months and so not only did I travel, but I have been home for over a year! I wanna open my boxes and see old pictures that I had framed, look through my books and movies and see what I dumped out of my drawers.

I just miss having my life and although I love my parents to death and I do enjoy being with them, I feel as though I have taken on even more responsibility by living here. I have more to deal with and I just don't know if I can handle it. I just need some space and time for me....

I'm ready for a vacation; some place far from here and not a worry in my mind...

I can't believe that it's been 3 months since Hamid has passed. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about him. Some days I'm ok with it all and I think about how blessed we all are to have had him here for this time. Other days, days like today, I can't seem to keep the tears from rolling down my face.

You will be forever missed!