It’s funny, I said I would start this blog/journal when i start this trip. Meaning when I first board that plane that will take me away for the next few months. However, after a lot of thought and really to be honest over analyzing, I realized that my journey has really already begun.
When I decided to take this trip it was an impulse decision that I really wasn’t sure whether I would stick with it or not. It was decided on over a few glasses of wine at a family reunion and I thought “wow I really want a huge change and to be free for some time”. I didn’t, however, think that I would stick with this plan. But the seed was planted in my mind and I couldn’t stop thinking about this “trip”. I started talking about it and thinking when will i go, where will I go and for how long? I began drawing a game plan and making future decisions around this trip. The more I talked about it and the more I said it out loud I knew I was committing myself to something huge and secretly that’s exactly what I wanted.
I am now just weeks away from starting my journey. The story has become a reality and one that I love and fear at the same time. The idea of this trip is beyond amazing; to go and travel the world, to be free and see beautiful sites and different cultures, this surpasses anything I can imagine. I have wanted to do something like this for years and yet never could bring myself to let go. And what is it that I am letting go of? Just life...the normal things like a job that I am comfortable in, seeing friends and family, working out, going to school. I mean really what is all this in the grand scheme of life? These things are nothing that can’t be had again and they are nothing that I haven’t already experienced.
There are so many things that my father has told me and I will reference both my parents multiple times throughout this journey, but one thing that he has ingrained in our minds as children is to “enjoy your life”! Time and time again my father has said to me “baby today will never come again, you have one chance and you better enjoy it while you can”. He always says "in the end, your not going to remember how much you spend or how you got there only that fact that you are there and having the time of your life".
I can honestly say that those words have served me well and I live by them daily. Life is short, anything can happen at anytime and we are only here once, better make the best of it while we are here and love every moment!
Still knowing all this believe it or not now that I am so close to leaving I am so fearful to leave. It’s the unknown that I love and fear. I know deep down that this trip was meant to be, I know I have to go and just as everything in life, things worked out for this to happen and they worked out all to perfect. I fear letting go, I fear leaving a job that I have been at for three years and leaving the people that I spend most of my time with. I fear not having a routine or some sort of goal to work towards. Basically I fear letting go of all the responsibilities of life and doing something that is completely foreign to me.
This fear and nervousness has been slowly eating at me, I knew it would eventually caught up to me and I would have to deal with it but I was definitely waiting till the last moment to deal with this. The time has come, this is it and I have to get over this and move forward. I keep looking at my first oneway flight and can’t seem to bring myself to press purchase. I am swept with anxiety and fear and want to back away from this amazing opportunity. But today was the day, the day that I deal with all this nonsense and get over this hump. So in a sense my journey really already began. I have started the first of many weeks to come and little by little I know that this anxiety with be replaced by joy.
I can’t see it now but I can feel it. I don’t know what is to come but I do know with every inch of me says that this is right and I must go. What will find...hopefully I will go with no expectations but will be surprised beyond my wildest dreams.
Just to clarify, this trip is not for anyone but myself. I want to travel and see the world, eat different foods and see beautiful sites. Whether I meet interesting people along the way or not I want to breath the air of all the places I go and dig my hands deep into the soil. I don’t even know if it has to do with finding myself but it’s more to let myself go.
