Sometimes I just can't believe it

You know what I can't believe sometimes, I can't believe how time has passed. I can't believe that two of my best friends are married, my bother is about to be a father and my cousin is having her second child. I mean I know it's all happening and I am so excited but sometimes I just stop and think, "wow times have changed".

I can't believe my brother is going to be a father. I know he will be a great one, but things will change so much in a matter of 3 months. I am so excited to be an aunt and never thought it would be this soon. It's funny, I always told my cousin that I can't imagine her with kids and know that she is having her second I can't imagine her without kids. I know I will feel the same once my niece is born but for now, I just can't believe that my brother is going to have a little girl.

I also am amazing that in 2 months it will be one year ago that I was leaving for my big journey around the world. I find myself constantly thinking about this time last year. I was so excited; buying all my tickets and figuring out where to go and what to pack. I was extremely excited to quit my job and get out of town. I don't wish it was last year again only because I am big on living in the moment and I am very content with where my life is now. However, I guess I just wish I could do it all again this year! I had the time of my life and I just wish I could do it all over. Hopefully this year I will have different types of trips to look forward to!

I think I can, I think I can

Okay the fact is that apparently when life gets stressful and I have a lot on my mind I not only go in my hole, but I stop writing as well. Which is probably not the smartest things seeing that writing has been my therapy so many times.

I can't help it, I just get so busy with thinking that I have no patience to sit down and write how I feel and what I think. Anyway I am pushing myself now just so I don't lose the want to write. So life has been busy and a bit stressful. I think this is one of the toughest times in my life as far as what I am doing personally and my financial constraints. I just keep looking at the long run and what I think, hope, will be a success story.

I have never wanted something so bad. All that my dad and I are doing now I hope will pay off. The hard part is waiting, wanting to do more than I can at this time and really just the unknown of whether this will work. My fear is that 6 months from now we look back and see that we really had no chance. I hope what I think and the potential I feel for this company is not just a dream taking over my logic. I hope I am being smart and making the right decisions. I just pray that this will work. I have to say this is one of the most stressed times in my life. Not at all about anything traumatic but simply about the direction of where my life is going.

I find myself so impatient these days, not willing to talk to much, constantly thinking about everything, even though there is only so much I can do. I lay in bed at night and think about all that needs to be done and see such a long road ahead. I guess this is why some people make it and others don't. It is a test of strength and patience. I am sure most people would maybe give up at my point. I mean I can go out and get a job right now and start making an income instead of being broke and stressed about life. But again if we can get through this part, this one part that really isn't such a long time but just feels it, then the road is easy from here.

Success comes with great risk, I truly believe this. I know I can make this work.