Saturday, January 28, 2012

I got my first grey hair!!! Although I have to say it is half grey and the other half is brown. How sad...I guess the stress of it all has finally caught up to me :(

Monday, January 23, 2012

A Beautiful Day

Saturday's memorial was beautiful. Although it was pouring down rain outside, inside we held a great ceremony. Everything was covered from the refreshments, to pins with Hamid's picture, to a beautiful table with all his favorite things. I tried to go in with the mind set to be happy and really celebrate a life we have lost. Although that was hard at times I tried to smile. My dad did an amazing job with his speech. I wasn't sure if he would be able to get up there and get through it, so I was on stand by to talk, but he did and his speech was wonderful.

After the memorial we went back to the family's house and decided to take some flowers down to the river, his favorite place, and toss them. It was a beautiful site, all of us walking down their hill holding flowers. Cars along the street were even stopping to see what this huge group of people were doing. But it was as though Hamid was watching over us, the sun came out after a day of pouring rain and was setting as we tossed flowers in the the river. We could all feel him there. I pray that his family find peace in all this, as well as my father.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Counting down the hours

I am counting down the hours until my dad returns home. I know that his heart is here and he is ready to be home, see everyone and allow himself to grieve. This has been such a sad experience, I am so devastated at what has happened, but my true sadness comes from realizing what my father has lost.

He has lost his best friend, his advisor, his buddy. The person he sees everyday, walks along the river with, picks his grapes with, travels with, bikes with, hikes with, listens to good music with and laughs with. He has lost his true friend, his partner in crime. We always joked that they were more like lovers than friends because they were always together or talking. I can not imagine my dad's loss and I hope that he can find peace in such a hard time. I pray for him because I know everywhere he looks there is going to be a memory of his dear friend.

What can I say, this is the beauty of life, if we do not have death then we will never know the beauty of life! We are sad for selfish reasons, but I know our dear friend is in a better place smiling down on us. You will be forever missed.

Monday, January 16, 2012

Up & Down

Everything has it's ups and downs. Although I had a better weekend and got out with my friends, today has just been hard. The reality of it all just hits me sometimes and I still can't believe it. I am still in shock. Maybe the funeral next week will help with some closer or to actually see that everything has happened...I don't know.

I keep replaying things just as I am sure everyone is, I keep thinking we were just talking and working on things only 2 weeks ago, how can this be. I think about all the family and close friends and how they must feel. At some point we have to realize that there is no figuring it out, that death is part of the process and we will all go when our time has come. But it is such a hard thing to except when we are all still here.

I'm counting down the days until Friday....

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

DAD

Every second of the past 6 days I have been praying to God to watch over my father and help him. Help him get through this tragic time and get home safe. I pray that God give him my energy to move forward and I pray that he finds peace in all that has happened.

Not that I ever need to be reminded, but again I am shown how amazing my father is. I can never imagine going through what he has and being able to function. Not only does he have to function but he has to be up, alert and running around to get everything that needs to be done done. I think God knew that he is the right man for the job and everyone has said that. Every single person has said if there was one person that was meant to be there it was my father. He is the only one that can handle this task and responsibility. I know that this is one of the hardest things he will live through and I hope that he is okay. He is my heart, my inspiration and my spirit.
Please God, bring him back safe and soon.

Monday, January 9, 2012

My Mission

I kept debating on whether this was a sign to stop or give up on what we have been working on. I kept thinking that if there was something to really deter us that this is pretty much the worst that could have happened. Yet in the back of my mind I can't help but feel that this isn't where I give up.
I have a mission, a dream and I want it so bad that I'm not willing to give up, not yet. I am willing to fight for it, to continue even though the odds are against us. After all what do I have to lose?

If anything I feel as though I have another reason to go forward, to finish what was started. So...I pray that God give us the strength and little bit of help to get there.

Friday, January 6, 2012

What are we living for?

I'm thinking about and praying for my dad...wish I could hug him right now. He always tells me "babe life is so short, enjoy your life" and not that I never knew it, but I am yet again reminded.
What are we all here for, to work or to live? We go day after day and sometimes don't even look at the person in our lives in the eyes because we are to busy. And then something happens and it's to late. Unfortunately our society is built this way and it is the only way we know to live. But I hope that in the mist of all this, people will realize it and they will stop for a minute and appreciate where they are and who they are with.

At the end of the day what are we here for? We are here to enjoy life, to be happy and spend time with loved ones. We are here to see all the beautiful things in the world and hopefully make a difference along the way.
The longer I live the less I want materially. All I want is to truly enjoy my life and help make a difference.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

For a split second when I woke up this morning I thought it was all a dream; that none of this is true. Oh how I wish it was a terrible dream.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Just when you least expect it, life throws you the unexpected. Of all the things to happen, why this? I can't even think straight, I keep thinking there is a mistake, that it's not true. Can we rewind time?

If there is a God, then why? Tell me why? This is one of the worst things that could have happened. All I can do now is pray...