A different ending

I replay that day over and over in my mind. And even though I wasn't physically there I have imagined the way it all happens. And each time I replay it in my mind, I am hoping that the ending be different, just like a movie that you watch for the second time. You know what will happen, but you still think or hope that the ending will turn out to be different.

I still replay it hoping, but knowing all to well what the reality is. I watch my dad struggle to find the answers, but he is left with nothing. And as much as I tell him that there are no answers, we just have to accept, I know he is still searching. He holds himself responsible and wants to know why he failed, but the reality is he can't change the course of fate, of destiny. God had a plan and regardless of how much my dad tried, what was gonna happen, was gonna happen.

Sometimes we spend hours talking, going through every detail and all I can do is try to show him that there are some things that we as simple humans will never know. We can't understand, we are not suppose to. We just have to have trust in God to accept and move on. I see my dad get down and go to his office and I know right away that he is trying to figure it all out. Tonight was one of those nights, so I went downstairs and we sat for a hour or so and we went through it all again. And every time I am hoping he lets go a little more and starts to take the blame off himself. As much as I preach all these things to him and I do very much believe all that I am saying, I too still let my mind wonder to that day and replay everything and hope for a different ending.