Maybe it's me

Maybe it's me. Maybe I do the same thing and it has nothing to do with the other person. I feel like I get to this point of almost caring and then I stop. I freak out and instead of talking about it or admitting to it I just close up and would rather walk away. Is that normal?

I literally have a panic attack once I get here. As time goes on I can't help but think, maybe it's me. Maybe I'm the one that can't commit or put myself out there to get hurt. I don't even understand why this happens, I don't think about it, I certainly don't want it, but never the less I always get struck with this anxiety.

Priceless

I have to say being an aunt is not what I thought it would be, it's 100 times better. My little niece is the cutest little baby and the joy she brings me is priceless. I got a last minute call from my brother asking if I could watch her yesterday and, of course, I can't say no. She is so happy and smiling all the time even when she's sick.

As I was putting her down for her afternoon nap, she was crying so I rocked her for a bit and after a few minutes she hugged her arms around me and passed out on my shoulder. Honestly I didn't want to put her down, even after 15 minutes and with my arms beginning to hurt, I just could bring myself to let go...it felt so good to have my little niece sleeping in my arms!

Who knew that I would be so in love with this little angle, every time she leaves I look forward to the next time I can see her again...maybe I'm borderline obsessed ;)

1391 here we come!

Well it is officially the New Year for Iranians. It turned new year at 1:15am, the exact moment it turns spring. Our beautiful new year is based not on religion, but on nature. Every part and ritual is symbolic representing life, birth, health, family and prosperity. We set a special table called the Haft Seen, meaning 7 S's. There are 7 things on the table all starting with S in Farsi. Garlic represents health and medicine, the coins represent prosperity, the grass represents growth, the eggs represent life as well as the fish and the list goes on. Most people put more than 7 items but the true meaning is 7 S's.

People decorate the tables to their own taste and we all gather around it to count down to the new year! There are little traditions such as setting the table with your loved one and wishing good thoughts as you set it. The night of the new year we eat a traditional Persian cuisine. Also all those that are young receive gifts and money from their elders. We celebrate for 13 days and on the last day we all gather and go to the park to enjoy mother nature. It is about spring and everything blossoming, it is one of the few holidays that has nothing to do with religion but everything to do with life and loving the earth and all it provides.

It is one of my favorite times of the year, always making me happy and appreciating my culture! I wish everyone a wonderful and healthy new year!

I've been a little slack lately with writing, somehow the past few weeks have just slipped away. I can't believe it's mid March! Things are going good, some days that we work until the evening and others when I don't even want to look at work but all in all I finally feel like we are getting somewhere, even if we hear No's. At least a no is an answer and we can look in another direction.

I have been helping with Leukemia Society more as the school kick offs have started. I help with a program called pennies for patients, basically schools raise money for LLS. So for each school we hold assemblies to explain who we are and what we do and to kick off their fundraising. I held my first assembly yesterday alone and I have to say it was a bit nerve racking at first but after a few minutes I warmed up and was on a roll. I was surprised to be a little nervous, but I think it was because I was scared to tear up while talking about my brother. Lately when I tell his story I get so emotional, I think it's the years of emotions I hid...who knows. Anyway I have another assembly tomorrow, which I am excited about. At the end of the day it puts life into perspective for me and reminds me to be thankful and happy.

I get to watch my lovely niece tomorrow! I can't believe how much I love her, she is like an addiction for me. It took me a while to figure out why she is so special, other than the fact that she is my niece. Finally the other day when I saw my brother with her, I realized what it was. There was a point in time that we weren't sure we would ever see this day, there was a time when we weren't sure if my brother would live and now to see him as a father, well it just makes it all the more special for us. I'm not quite sure if my brother will ever realize this, but we certainly do, every time he accomplishes something or has a big event we remember and it is so special for us as a family.